LISTENING BETWEEN THE WORDS

Sometimes what isn’t said is the loudest thing in the room.

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Eyes can say things words never will. Sometimes the most honest moment in a conversation is the silence between sentences. I took this photograph because something about two people sitting together — one speaking, one truly listening — stopped me. That’s rarer than it should be.

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Eyes can say things words never will.

Sometimes the most honest moment in a conversation

is the silence between sentences.

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DEDICATION

To the Holy Spirit — who teaches us to listen before we speak.

To Marty — whose presence, patience, and willingness to grow beside me continue to deepen both our marriage and our friendship.

To the friends who choose values over volume, and growth over ego.

And to the children watching — learning love, communication, and belonging from what we model.

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SCRIPTURE

“Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” — James 1:19 (NKJV)

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THE HOOK

Sit with this one.

It’s about something subtle.

And powerful.

It shows up in marriages.

In friendships.

In boardrooms.

And around dinner tables.

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THE STORY

Sometimes after an outstanding conversation with my wife, something settles in my chest.

Clarity.

Trust.

Presence.

That kind of presence does not happen accidentally.

Have you ever been in a conversation where the eyes and the words did not match?

Where the mouth was speaking —

but the heart had already left the room?

We say we want communication.

But often what we really want is validation.

Communication invites change.

Validation protects ego.

After thirty-three years of marriage we’re often asked,

“How do you two get along like you just met yesterday?”

We do fight.

But we fight toward one another.

Not away.

Not to win.

To understand.

That’s not personality.

That’s discipline.

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THE MOMENT

There was a day my wife had to call me back into alignment.

We hired a canvas company to install shade and blinds on the patio.

She wanted to talk through the wind load in the garden —

practical things that mattered to her.

I never let her get a word in edgewise.

I went straight into business mode.

Consultant. Efficiency. Outcome.

Later that day she quietly said she didn’t feel at peace moving forward.

Not because the product was wrong.

Because she didn’t feel heard.

That one stung.

I apologized.

We adjusted.

But the lesson went deeper than patio fabric.

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I won the conversation.

And lost the connection.

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THE TURN

It exposed something in me.

I have won arguments before

and lost connection.

Right about the facts.

Wrong about the posture.

Winning the point

while wounding the person.

I’ve learned something over the years.

In marriage — and in any meaningful relationship —

you have to fight for second place.

Not because you are lesser.

But because when you fight to be first, to dominate, to control the outcome —

everyone loses.

Second place is not weakness.

It is humility —

choosing connection over ego.

Stepping back so the other person can step forward.

And when both people fight for second place —

there is no loser.

There is alignment.

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THE DRIFT

There is a voice that keeps a person fighting for first.

I need to be understood before I can listen.

If I don’t hold my ground, I’ll lose it.

They need to hear this.

That voice sounds like conviction.

It isn’t.

Conviction speaks truth.

This voice protects ego.

There is a kind of communication that looks like engagement on the outside —

but is just waiting for your turn to talk.

Formulating the response.

Preparing the counter.

Loading the next point.

Without ever truly hearing what was said.

That voice will keep a person winning arguments —

and losing the people they were arguing with.

I know. Because I stood there. For years.

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THE REFLECTION

We keep God at the center of our communication.

Not as a referee.

Not as a weapon.

But as the reference point.

When God is at the center, the goal changes.

It is no longer to win.

It is to reflect.

Listening is spiritual discipline.

Respect is rarely accidental.

It is a decision.

People often say respect is earned.

There is truth in that — trust and honor grow over time.

But basic dignity is not a reward.

It is a choice.

My respect does not depend on your behavior.

It reflects my character.

And when I fail to give it, I don’t get to outsource that responsibility.

That accountability is where growth begins.

“As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” — Proverbs 27:17 (NKJV)

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WALKAWAY LINE

Winning the point is easy. Keeping the connection is wisdom.

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SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT

What isn’t being said in your most important conversations — and what is that silence costing you?

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MY PRAYER

Heavenly Father,

Show me where I have been winning the point

and losing the person.

Where I have been quick to speak

and slow to hear.

Where I have fought for first

when You called me to second.

Teach me to listen the way You listen —

fully present.

Without agenda.

Without preparing my next move.

Let what matters to the people I love

matter to me.

And where I have broken connection

in the name of being right —

give me the humility to go back.

And repair it.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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ABOUT G~

G~ writes from lived experience — exploring identity, authority, and time through the lens of faith, trial, leadership, and surrender. His reflections are not meant to condemn or hype, but to steady. Rooted in covenant, forged through adversity, and anchored under the authority of Jesus Christ, his work invites readers to examine who governs their lives — and to live intentionally under truth.

If what you’ve read resonates with your journey, feel free to reach out.

G~

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