I DIED THERE
Some places don’t look like turning points… until you realize you never left the same.
It’s been there the whole time.
Same ground. Same sky.
Same place I’ve walked past more times than I can count.
But not the same man.
My backyard. My cross. I wasn’t trying to capture something profound — I was just looking at it differently that day. Turns out, that’s all it takes.
DEDICATION
To the Holy Spirit — for restoring my life and bringing me back into alignment with Your will.
To Marty — my wife, my covenant partner, for the life we have walked together… growing, exploring, staying kingdom-minded, and holding eternity in view.
To Jesus — for the lens that changed everything… how I see, how I walk, and how I experience this world under Your authority.
To what was done at the cross before me — the finished work that sustains my eternal life with Him.
SCRIPTURE
“I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me…” — Galatians 2:20 (NKJV)
THE HOOK
I didn’t go looking for a moment.
I was just outside.
Backyard. Normal day. Nothing dramatic.
The cross stood where it always has.
Steel. Still. Unmoving.
No voice. No sign.
Just… there.
THE STORY
I’ve walked past it a hundred times.
Since the day I was given the dream to place it there.
Maybe more.
Mowed around it. Looked at it without really seeing it.
You get used to things that stay in one place long enough.
Even something like that.
Especially something like that.
But there are days when something shifts.
Not outside.
Inside.
And what you’ve been walking past…
starts looking back at you.
THE MOMENT
It hit me without warning.
Not loud. Not emotional. Clear.
I didn’t just put that cross in my yard.
I died there.
Not physically… but everything that used to govern me.
And what I began to realize—
was that everything I thought I knew…
everything I had built…
would be uncovered…
and if it didn’t serve Jesus—
It wouldn’t stay.
Health issues brought me face-to-face with something real.
I didn’t know if I had three months.
And in that place—
God made something unmistakably clear.
The only thing guaranteed… the only thing that would sustain…
was my relationship with Him.
Everything else could fall away.
And what I didn’t understand at the time—
was that it wasn’t just an ending.
It was a covenant.
An agreement I stepped into… whether I could fully explain it or not.
An exchange.
His heart… for mine.
Recycled… and repurposed for God’s creation.
Little did I know what was in store for me moving forward.
Two lives cannot occupy the same cross. One of them has to come down.
THE TURN
That’s the part we don’t talk about much.
We talk about forgiveness. Grace. New life.
But something has to die for that to happen.
Not physically.
But personally.
What governs you. What defines you. What you run to when things start to shake.
For me—
It was being the one who carried it.
The one who handled it. The one who held everything together.
But that version of me…
couldn’t come forward.
THE DRIFT
That voice will tell you you’re growing.
That you’re becoming a better version of yourself. That you’re learning to manage it. That you’re making progress.
It sounds like maturity.
It isn’t.
Maturity doesn’t negotiate with what’s supposed to die. It doesn’t refine it. It doesn’t rename it. It releases it.
I know.
Because I managed it.
For years.
THE REFLECTION
I used to think readiness meant having things together.
Clarity. Confidence. Some kind of internal stability.
But standing there… looking at that cross…
I realized something I can’t unsee.
Readiness isn’t about what you’ve built.
It’s about what you’re willing to exchange.
Because that’s what happened there.
Not improvement.
Not adjustment.
Exchange.
The life I had been trying to manage…
for the life He had already given.
And even now—
there are moments…
When the old ways try to reach back in.
Control. Responsibility. The need to carry what was never mine.
But it doesn’t sit the same anymore.
Because His voice interrupts it.
Not loud. Not forceful. Clear.
And I know what belongs…
and what doesn’t.
And I wasn’t the only one walking through it.
Marty was there.
Under her own pressure…
facing the reality that she could lose me.
And still—
She didn’t give herself to fear.
She stayed grounded. Steady. Speaking truth.
Refusing to submit to anything other than God’s authority.
And I watched it. Felt it. Was carried by it more than I probably understood at the time.
And then…
What came after.
I never would have guessed.
God began opening doors.
Men. Conversations. Moments that mattered.
Meeting people right where they were…
and sharing what He had done in my life.
Not as theory.
As reality.
And now…
writing.
Caring about people I may never meet.
Sharing the good news of Jesus from a place I didn’t even know existed in me.
Twenty years ago…
I never would have seen this coming.
WALKAWAY LINE
You don’t become ready by holding on — only by agreeing to the exchange.
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT
If the cross in your life is real… what have you actually left there — and what are you still picking back up?
MY PRAYER
Heavenly Father,
For the one reading this… meet them right where they are.
Not where they think they should be. Not where they’ve been pretending to be.
But right where they are.
If there is something they’ve been holding onto that was meant to be surrendered…
Give them the courage to release it.
Not in fear…
but in trust.
And if they’ve already been to that place—
Remind them they don’t have to carry it again.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
ABOUT G~
G~ writes from lived experience — exploring identity, authority, and time through the lens of faith, trial, leadership, and surrender. His reflections are not meant to condemn or hype, but to steady. Rooted in covenant, forged through adversity, and anchored under the authority of Jesus Christ, his work invites readers to examine who governs their lives — and to live intentionally under truth.
If what you’ve read resonates with your journey, feel free to reach out.
G~
Coming from you, thaat mean s a lot. God knows there is plenty to think about, and He also knows what's worth thinking about. G~
Love this. We are always exchanging, it’s just being aware and being in conversation with Christ about the exchange making sure it serves him. So many choices in life, but far fewer if we consult with jesus first, and let the Holy Spirit council our choices. Thank you for this reflection, you always give the soul something to think about.